Konflik dan Stres

I hate making decisions. Choices. Whatever.

If you know me you know that.

I really really can't choose.

I'm probably the most indecisive person you'll ever know.

So now the situation is.

to go for

a. Cell group outing. Zoe's planning it. It's what I've been looking forward to the whole week. I never usually get to go out with friends. So this, yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

or

b. A portrait drawing competition at P. Ramlee's house for P. Ramlee rememberance day or something. Ms Chan picked me and some others to go for the thing. First prize is 150 ringgit in cash. It's not really the prize I want, though it IS pretty cool, eh, but I've never taken part in any art competition before. Colouring or whatever. Because I'm terrible with colours. I can only draw. So HERE'S a competition were there is only drawing involved. And the teacher actually thinks I can win. I'm worried my lack of activity in outside competitions is going to affect my aplication to college or for a scholarship or whatever.

So mom was really awesome, being the only person who really tried to help me make a decision. Ah ily. But of course it all comes down to me, though usually how I solve these situations where I have to choose between two things is that I manipulate the situation so that I don't have a choice, or so that I don't have to choose and can have the best of both things, or I tembak saja. (but the tembak-ing doesn't really lead to a good choice, but at least I don't have to think about what I'm going to decide on anymore.) So tembak-ing is the usual way I go by, because even if I try, in most situations the first two ways can't work.

Ahh. Dilemma. I've been praying about it but I still don't know what to do. Though I'm leaning on going for the care group thingy, because it's the easier way out, and what I always do. Just do the one I'm most comfortable with and what I've done before. At the competition I'll be alone and it'll be the first time I ever do something like this so yes, I'm scared. Which is why my heart or my brain or whatever is telling me to go to the care group. But there's this part of me that really wants to try doing the competition. The new thing. Alas, I don't know what part of me is saying these two different things. So I can't really use the whole 'listen to your heart' thing since I don't know what my heart is saying. (btw that sounded so cheesy hahah)

But yeahhhh. What I'm trying to say up there ^ is that when it comes to making a decision, I'll just go for the easier one. but not necessarily the right one. And it sucks that I do it all the time.

Which is why right now I feel like my head is about to rip in two.

It's not even that baad or serious of a situation. But this is me, hahah, going crazy over something like this.